Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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