I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
