She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
