tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
