We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
