So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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