My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
