I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
