I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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