why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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