Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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