i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
