A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
