I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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