can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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