wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
