another moral hangover. fuck.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
