I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize