There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
