i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
