I wish I could punch you in the face.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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