im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
