When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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