At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
