my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
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