i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
