my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
