I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
