he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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