I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
