Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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