What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
