I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
