I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
