im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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