I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i will never coherently bang her
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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