Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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