If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
