Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize