I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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