Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
