i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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