Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
