All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
