I'm eating all of the evidence.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
