I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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