fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
