She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
