woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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