the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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