we have pet lesbian snakes
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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