I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
