So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
