Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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