I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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