The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
