The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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