Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
