Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
