if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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