We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize