honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
