It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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