fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
