the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
