Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
