2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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