If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
