i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You smell like stripper and shame
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
