my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
sarcasm needs its own font
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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