when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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