So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
