I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
zippers are such a cool invention
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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