I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
