So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize