My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
