Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
